Our Journey

Our Journey of Infertility and our outcome

It started in 2010 when Mario was 5 months old. John and I decided to try to give Mario a sibling his own age, so that when we’re gone, he will have someone near him that could relate. By the time he was 9 months old, nothing was happening. We had been using ovulation predictor kits to pinpoint time of ovulation. We went to the OB/Gyn (Dr. Fletcher) and she recommended a mild fertility drug called Clomid. It would increase the amount of follicles I produce, therefore, releasing more and larger eggs.

We started by going to Temple Radiology to have a Hysteroscopy (Inject dye into uterus to see if there are any blockages, etc.) Everything was normal. Each cycle of Clomid made my ovaries sore, as if I’d been punched in the sides. After 3 rounds of unsuccessfully becoming pregnant, Dr. Fletcher referred us to Yale Reproductive Endocrinology.

We started with a semen analysis for John. Until now, most assume that John may be the issue because of his past with cancer, chemo and removal of one testicle in 1993. His numbers were normal, and even above average. Then I had a Sonohysterogram (inject saline into uterus to check size and shape of uterus) and blood work.

In early 2011, we started on our first cycle of IUI (intrauterine insemination). This required daily injections in my stomach of meds. I had to go every 3 or 4 days for blood work and internal ultrasounds. Then, by the size and number of follicles being produced, they would have me take another injection in my butt (HCG) to make me ovulate. 36 hours later, we arrive there, John first with his specimen so they can wash and prepare it. I would then come in later, have my bracelet checked against John’s specimen label and be inseminated. Wait 10 min. on table and go on my way.

The first IUI, they had half injected and the other half just combined in Petrie dish with sperm. The ones not injected did not fertilize. The subsequent IUI’s were all injected to be fertilized. We did this 3 times. All failed to implant after fertilization and inseminated.

I have been labeled with “unexplained infertility”. All of my tests, blood work, egg reserve, blood pressure, follicles, ovaries, uterus, were all normal functioning the only thing against me is my age.

We then started IVF treatments. Again, having another Sonohysterogram, everything is normal.
Had 3 hour glucose test that shows I am insulin resistant. I have been put on Metformin to regulate my sugar. (Pre-diabetic). I start exercising to try losing weight as well. Although, tough during cycles because of the soreness. I changed my lifestyle to exclude parabens and plastics (microwaving). I started making my own all natural products to help with fertility. I was on DHEA, Vitamin D and Metformin. I joined Zumba, I bought Royal Jelly honey, which had been discussed online as helping with fertility. I did everything that wasn’t clearly a myth to help with fertility.

Each IVF involves 2-3 injections, one or two times daily into my stomach. Various meds include, Follistim, Ganarellix, Lupron, Menopur, GonalF, Cetrotide, Doxycycline (antibiotic for both of us for 5 days before) Endometrin (progesterone inserts for after each embryo transfer), and HCG – Trigger shot in the butt to induce ovulation. That was John’s job, along with mixing the meds for the syringes.

We did do one more IUI in between IVF cycles that didn't produce large enough follicles or when retrieval or transfer would have been during their shut down. This one also failed.

John’s counts were always high. Never went below 70,000 “swimmers” per unit and always over 80% motility. Perfect. Each time, most eggs each time fertilized, but because of my egg quality, all failed to implant for a pregnancy. Dr. said that by the time I hit age 43, there’s only about a 1% chance of success. We did this 4 times. IVF 2-4 were all egg injections to be fertilized.

Explanation of IVF experiences

During each IVF cycle, I go in for blood work and internal ultrasounds every 3-4 days, starting on day 2 of my cycle. Then every 2 days as follicles grow. Then, after instructed to do the trigger shot, we go in for egg retrieval. John brings his specimen in and I go in and get hooked to an IV. I am brought into a sterile room and put on table with leg stirrups. They inject me with anesthesia and go in with a long catheter to retrieve as many eggs on both sides as they can. This is quite painful. My left ovary lies behind my uterus most of the time.

In the room, they have a small little window that opens up to the embryo room that has the Embryologists that are inseminating the eggs and incubating them. The eggs are transferred to them and it’s done.
After, I’m wheeled to the recovery room and wait it out about 30 min. to recover from anesthesia. Then go home for the rest of the day. No driving. No work for 24 hours. Then I wait. The eggs are injected by the Embryologist and wait to be fertilized.

Within 3-5 days, the Embryologist calls with updates on fertilization. Depending on the cell splitting, I go back in on either day 3 or 5 for embryo transfer. They provide us with a picture of our embryos each time before the transfer. When the eggs have split as much as possible before day 5, I then go in for the transfer. Same procedure, except no anesthesia. Then I wait. I take a home test on day 18. During this time, I am very sore, as if I had been punched in the sides over and over, almost like and internal bruising. This is normal.

I think about all the times of finagling work hours to go in for blood work and ultrasounds, finding someone to watch Mario on the Saturdays John worked when I was scheduled an ultrasound/blood work on that very day. Keeping this info a secret from everyone but our bosses, to explain our absences and late days, as to avoid constant questions and facing pity when cycles failed. We were already getting questions on “when’s the next one” or “are you pregnant yet?” This was very stressful, but was necessary to keep our journey and pain private, but, always, the tell-tale signs of my cycle returning by the appearance of pimples. I always get a few pimples right before my period, but yet, had to still go in for the blood test, knowing it was negative each time.

My last IVF (#4) was more promising than the rest. I had 3 eggs fertilize out of 5; one was 8 cells grade 3. (1 the best 5 the worst) by the time of the transfer. The retrieval was the worst one I had experienced. It was extremely painful. Even with the anesthesia, it felt like I was being stabbed in the ribs on the inside as they pushed the catheter up the fallopian tubes to retrieve all of the eggs.

Sadly, on December 16, 2012 I got my period. One week before Christmas. One day before the blood test. I was devastated. I still had to go in for the blood work on the day specified. I took the day off to get “the call” after the blood work. I just couldn’t function at work after hearing it for real, even though I knew.

I knew this was our last chance, even though the embryos were better than all the rest of the cycles, it failed. John tried to console me and said that he was fine with just having Nikki, Mario and Zoey and it would be ok. This did not remove the pain, loss and failure I felt. I knew he had conceded but also knew that he wanted it too. All the times he ran out for Ovulation predictor kits and pregnancy tests, insisting I test before the blood test (knowing it would not show results faster than a blood test). I always wanted 3 children. He had told me once he always wanted 3 or 4. If only we had found each other a few years earlier. If only.

Insurance only covers 4 IVF’s in a lifetime. I reluctantly went to my follow-up appointment after the last IVF treatment, as I did every other time. My follow up appointment was on 12/17/12, after the failed 3rd IVF was that I should give up. I refused, since I had one more I could use. She told me that if I insisted on continuing, I would have to see one of her colleagues, since she feels it’s in my best interest to stop for my own physical and mental well-being. We all did everything we could, but unfortunately, at my age; my egg quality is just not there. The only hope I would have is with a donor egg. But by now, we’ve run out of resources, as IVF cycles run about $10,000 without counting the meds. Even with insurance, we paid about $300 per cycle for out of pocket expenses on meds. I had considered taking out a loan for another round of IVF, but cannot go more into debt.
John and I agreed that I would just try to get as healthy as I could and we would chance it the “normal” way. If it happens, it happens, but not likely. Damn my old eggs.

I was about 3 days overdue for my period the same day I was sitting the Dr.’s office on 1/15/13 with my last follow-up appointment for the failed IVF#4. The Dr. just explained that I need to just move on with my life and concentrate on my overall health. My eggs were just too old at age 43 almost 44. I even took a picture of my 3 inch chart. All of that work and all I have is a thick binder of failed procedures.

3 days later, on cycle day 34, still no show of my monthly cycle. I told John and he said I should take a test because I haven’t gotten any pimples yet. :-) So, he ran out to get a home pg. test. I mean fast. I was not optimistic, but took it anyway. Weirdly, it had a very, very faint positive line. I chalked it up to nothing. I told him I’d check again in a couple of days. It could be a “chemical” pregnancy.

2 days later, on MLK day 1/21/13, Cycle Day 37 at this point, I took the second of the tests in the box of 3. It was clearer and came up faster. It was still positive. I called Yale REI and left a message that I’d like a blood test to make sure it wasn’t a chemical/false result. I am still cautiously optimistic. I then called Yale Health plan to see who I was to see about this now. Since I had barely left Yale REI, they said to go there for a blood test. I arrived at Yale REI on Wednesday, 1/23/13 and took a blood test about 7:30am. The girl looked at my paper, put her head closer to it and said “what, are you kidding me?” I told her nope. 2.5 years of this shit and I come up with a positive test the “normal” way. My husband emailed me to cross my fingers, toes, legs, arms and boobs if possible. I could tell he was anxious. The Phlebotomist said my HCG and progesterone numbers would have to be over 50 for it to be viable. She wished me luck, said to tell John she will try to cross her boobs too (LOL) and I went to work. I always make sure I don’t get my hopes up so that it’s not so hard to hear the news.

The waiting was excruciating. I was now waiting again, for that call, the one that had been negative 8 times before. I am twisting in my chair at work. It’s now 1:35pm. My phone rings. Yale REI calls to tell me it’s positive and the number is great. It’s at 123.
They are shocked that this was spontaneous after all the fertility treatments we went through.
I can barely type this right now. It still doesn’t seem real.

All I ever wanted was to be a mom. Although I am a mom to 2 kids, I still wanted another, especially one close to Mario’s age. His sister may follow her own dreams and move away someday, she’s already grown and raising her own daughter. We just wanted to have 2 more children to have each other, especially as we grow old.
Some may ask why I would ever want more after becoming a grandma. Becoming Grandparents did not affect our goals. It was just a lucky surprise, and makes for a very interesting life.

For now, I will be getting blood tests every 2 days to make sure everything is growing as it should.
Now, to deal with the rest of the tests, warnings, advice, etc. on my “advanced maternal age”, blah, blah, blah. Been there. Done that. Mario came out perfect despite my age. This one will too. If not, we will still be happy. What a life story we have!

My motto: If you want something, don’t ever give up!

Our First Ultrasound found 2 sacs, we won't know for sure until our 2nd ultrasound one week after this one.

Oh boy! John is so giddy, he's SURE it will be twins.

Confirmed on 2/13/13 I am 7 weeks 1 day along. Strong heart beat 128 beats per minute. The 2nd sack is still there, behind this one but is smaller and not growing. Dr. said it probably started as a twin sack that never developed. WHEW!

Sadly, the week after this ultrasound, 2/21/13, week 8, there was no heartbeat and it was the same size it was at 7 weeks. It was confirmed by a 2nd ultrasound by a Radiologist. I chose to have a D&C instead of waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally or to take meds to have it happen at home. I couldn't bear carrying it around waiting for it to happen.

I was devastated because we wanted this so much. After all we've been through and all we've done to just have another baby, to have it end after 8 weeks is just such a heartache. Even though I was only 8 weeks along, it is such a sad loss for us. I've never had any problems with pregnancies before and had never experienced a miscarriage until now. This is one of the hardest thing I've gone through in my life.

I had a D&C at Yale New Haven Hospital on 2/25/13.

John is already ordering ovulation predictor tests for when I am able to try again. We will be ready to try again when my cycles return.
UPDATE:

On March 14, 2014, I came up with a positive home pregnancy test. I did not get excited because I was thinking about what happened last time.

I called and made an appointment to have an ultrasound. My doctor put in for an ultrasound at 7 weeks on March 25, 2014. Heartbeat is there. 170bpm.

Looks fine. I do not have strong symptoms, such as, nausea, etc. so I am still skeptical and not allowing myself to get very excited.

I went back for a regular first prenatal visit on April 9, 2014, at 9 weeks and everything is still looking good. My due date is November 10, 2014 if all follows through.

Still crossing my fingers.

Our visit on April 9 showed that everything was ok. Heartbeat at 170bpm.

Getting Genetic testing and ultrasound again on April 29, 2014.

They were not able to get enough DNA to do the genetic testing but the ultrasound came out normal. Everything is good so far.

We told our family on Easter Day, April 20, 2014. John filled eggs with candy pacifiers and a plastic baby. Each person opened them at the dinner table to reveal our surprise!

As you can imagine, at 11 weeks, I am still very apprehensive.

On the very day I was 18 weeks along, we had another ultrasound. We found out that everything looks normal, despite not getting the results from the genetic testing.
We are having a girl. I thought John was going to fall out of his chair. He had dreamed of having a daughter long before we ever got together. Finally, after all we've both been through, we will have another healthy baby.

In 2012, when my Aunt Lillian was dying, John and I whispered something to her that we told no one else. She already knew we were trying for another baby.
We told her that if we had a girl, we would name it after her. The look on her face was priceless as she was laying there. Her eyes got big and teary and she said "Oh my god, thank you".

I'd like to introduce you to Lilliana Rose Sargent.

My Aunt was named Lillian, after one of her maternal Aunts that died in infancy.
My mom's middle name is Rose, after her Paternal Aunt, Rose Bonie Modena.
We are very happy to have our daughter live on after her namesakes.

I have since learned to relax a little. Still always a little worried though.

Although everything looked ok at 18 weeks, they were unable to get a good shot of the heart and it's beating.

I went back at 21 weeks and everything looks great!

I've allowed myself to start preparing for the baby. Her big brother Mario asks Daddy to show him videos week by week online about the size of the baby and it's development.

Mom and Lilliana Rose on her birthday November 5, 2014

Daddy, Lilly, Mario June 13, 2015.